Raf Watches: Fight Master (Episode 1)

Welcome to my "Best Of" recap of last night's The Ultimate Fi, I mean The Voice, I mean, Spike TV's original fighting reality show concept, Fight Master!  If you didn't watch it, don't worry, I do all the heavy lifting.  And if you did watch it, I hope you enjoy these shitty jokes I wrote about it.   Without further ado...

After a brief break from watching #BellatorMMA, Im here to talk #FightMaster with anyone remotely up and around who'll listen. Let's do this

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I get the impression the people at #FightMaster are really into the Earth, because even that intro sounds recycled from #TheUltimateFighter

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I'm only now noticing how giant Greg Jackson's ears are. I do wonder if they get satellite TV reception. #FightMaster #BellatorMMA

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Frank Shamrock is no stranger to modesty when he proclaims he MAY know the sport of #MMA better than anyone else...in the WORLD #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Ok think I got it: Randy Couture='s Blake Shelton, Joe Warren='s Adam Levine, Frank Shamrock='s Cee Lo & Greg Jackson='s X-Tina #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Hey you bums, at least Randy Couture has the dignity to come to the fights in a suit jacket. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

First up, we've got Chip Pollard vs. Tim Welch. I'm giving Pollard a free pass with the family death, but I need a moment for #TheGingaNinja

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Part Irish and Part Indian, eh? No wonder you became a fighter #TheGingaNinja, your ancestors were HATED by America for so long #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

So did they have to get a bald guy to come in the Octag...I mean #CircleOfFight to announce the rules? Is that a law? #FightMaster #FakeDana

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

No elbows in THIS round? Is it like an RPG, do you have to earn them through a certain amount of coins or something? #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

The word #FatJab seems to be getting tossed around quite frequently in this first round. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I get the controlling your own destiny concept, but doesnt that only apply if youre 1 of the 1st to fight & your desired coach is available?

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Wait, Frank Shamrock gets to use a laptop? Is that cheating? Can I get a ruling on laptops please! #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

.@JoeWarrenMMA did NOT enjoy getting rejected by .@TimwelchMT. He had the look of a guy dumped by his date hours before prom. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Eric Scallan vs. Chris Curtis up next. Let's see how this one shakes down. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Fun game for Chris Curtis, take a drink every time he smiles. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

It sounds like #FightMaster couldn't afford a bell, so theyre just using a hammer against part of the cage to signal the ends of rounds #MMA

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I now realize a great strategy for #FightMaster coaches, u can Keyser Soze a rapport w/ a perspective fighter via their tats #ILoveMyMomToo!

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Next up we've got Brendan Tierney vs. Nick Barnes. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Right off the back, I cant help but notice a slight resemblance between @Tiny_Shorts & Taco from "The League" @jonlajoiecomedy #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Also, Brendan Tierney can we have a moment to discuss ur nickname Tiny Shorts. Just want to say there are other names out there #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Was Tiny Dancer already taken, because that seems like a WAYYY better nickname by comparison #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

So far .@Nick_Phoenix170 has the best narrative of the fighters we've seen. He has my early support going into this fight. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

.@SpikeTV seems to get that fight fans WANT to see mutliple camera angles on these fights. The split panels are a great idea. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Nice work .@Nick_Phoenix170. Lot of people woulda folded under that initial pressure but you stayed calm & recovered very well. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

.@Tiny_Shorts & .@Nick_Phoenix170 put on an excellent display on #FightMaster, giving us the first great match of the show. Well done.

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

That look .@Randy_Couture shoots @JoeWarrenMMA when he tries to claim @Nick_Phoenix170 is the best "get off my lawn look" ever. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Sometimes I think Frank Shamrock is such the salesman on this show, it seems like he's trying to get me to buy a used car. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Not gonna lie, part of me isn't convinced that Darryl Cobb isn't a character being played by SNL's Jay Pharoah #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

If we're casting #FightMaster the movie, I think itd be a safe bet to cast Kevin Connelly (@mrkevinconnolly) from Entourage as @JoeWarrenMMA

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Josh Quayhagen vs. Chris Lozano up next. #Fightmaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Not gonna lie, @CLE_assassin, little terrifying with those punches against the edge of the cage. Nicely done, man. #FightMaster

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

@CLE_assassin goes to #ShamrockMMA and may have also ended up with a timeshare by the end of that sales pitch. #FightMaster #ShamrockSales

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

And with that, I think it's time to call it a night gang. Hope you enjoyed our commentary for both #BellatorMMA and #Fightmaster.

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Check back next week to see what dumb jokes I have in store for all of you. Peace!

Oh, by the way, if you like this, check out my jokes for the Bellator MMA fights that preceded the premiere of Fight Master here.

Raf Watches: Bellator MMA

We know sometimes things get lost in the Twitter-sphere during fight nights, that's why we here at VERBAL TAP are proud to present a collection of the notes and observations we occasionally make during fight nights.  Here, just in case you missed it, for your viewing pleasure is Raf's take on last night's Bellator MMA fights.

Hey kids, gather round, your pal Raf (.@EarlyLateNight) here has a few free minutes and will be watching the .@BellatorMMA fights. Join me.

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Let's start with this, the name Sean Wheelock sounds like its 1 letter away from the worlds best unused porn star name #Bellator #MMA #Spike — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

You'd think that theyd give the coaches from #FightMaster recliners. Im not just talkin regular recliners, I'm talkin real classy recliners. — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Im glad the WarMachine narrative is contrasted by "Hey, look, I've got a family & I'm an all around good guy --look my kids here!" #Bellator — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

People at #SpikeTV, let's discuss how you're blowing your goodwill with that "Standing in the Hall of Fame" song in the #FightMaster promos. — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Wait, announcer Mike Williams has the handle @ThisIsTheVoice? How did @NBC's @TheVoice not get the rights? They must be kicking themselves! — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

You know your name is pretty rough when a guy who legally changed his name to #WarMachine sounds like a better option. #BlasAvena #Bellator — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

That crucifix does not look pleasant for Avena... and that'll do it. #WarMachine gets the win. #Bellator #MMA — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Of course, I already knew the result to that last fight because .@phillipskevin1 is a jerk. #SpoilerAlert #MMA #Bellator — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

#WarMachine says hes comin for that belt... then takes a moment to pause & wonder... "wait, is there a belt in this organization?" #Bellator — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I like that part of Minakov's prepackage video clip is, "Fedor, who?" #Bellator #MMA — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I also appreciate that part of Sparks' prepackage is that hes not going to force his kid into #MMA, hes just going to say it on national TV. — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Ron Sparks almost gives off a Funkasaurus vibe. #Bellator #BrodusClay #MMA — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

"Never have I seen a Russian so jovial to get a knock out." Uh, dude, rent Rocky IV. #Bellator #MMA #GreatestMovieEver — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Is it bad that I feel I can see the green screen with the background graphic they use on that #Bellator #MMA still shot as the fighters move — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

#SpikeTV promotional tie in: Have #WarMachine BE one of those guys behind bars they have to tattoo on Ink Master #Bellator #RoyalitiesPlease — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

So does #SpikeTV just add the name master to any reality show competition? Coming soon: #CookMaster #SpellingBeeMaster #PornStarMaster — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I would like an explanation on how these #Bellator #MMA tournament brackets come together. Seem almost kinda random in a way. — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Man, those shots from Ryan Martinez looked destructive. I think my own neck jerked back after seeing that force. #Bellator #MMA — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I like the cajoling gesture that .@Randy_Couture uses on these #FightMaster promos, they say, "come on, you know you wanna watch." #Bellator — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I didn't know that Jacob Noe and Babalu Sobral were also having a competition to see who can have the worse haircut #Bellator #MMA — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

I feel like these prepackage videos were shot right around Father's Day, because there's a lot of "I love my kids" and I'm crying action. — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

"No one can escape the ravages of time, especially a warrior." - #Bellator #MMA #WhoWritesThisCrap? — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Babalu: Now I teach and give back to the children, by teaching them martial arts... and that adrenaline crack & meth cocaine are good for u. — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

"As he prepares for one last run at the title, his body fights against the gravitational pull of time." This is a parody of a promo, right? — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Do I have to be the one to break it to the makers of #WorldWarZ that more people are watching this #Bellator than want to go see their movie — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

While he takes his time to recover from the low blow, I can't help but do the maze on the side of Noe's head. #BellatorMMA #BadHaircut — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Wait, with seconds left to go in the 2nd Babalu just posts up against the fence like he's magnetized and it's cool? pic.twitter.com/OJ61D6uvcn — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

@tronuser4230 I thought for a second he was made out of adamantium and Magneto just made his way in the building. #Babalu #BellatorMMA — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

Haha, yes, with that Kerry Hatley becomes the first ref to stop a fight via #GoHomeYoureDrunk #BellatorMMA #Babalu #Noe — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

But IS this the TOUGHEST tournament on earth? #ImJusSayin #BellatorMMA — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

If Jurassic Park was a real thing, Randy Couture would be used to verify the authenticity of the dinosaur bones. #BellatorMMA — Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

King Mo timed those leg cycles just perfectly. Nice knock out. But the real question, can he do that in #TNA against Rampage? #BellatorMMA

— Verbal Tap Podcast (@VerbalTapCast) June 20, 2013

@VerbalTapCast This is now my all time favorite Tweet.

— Sean Wheelock (@SeanWheelock) June 20, 2013

You're welcome, @SeanWheelock.

That'll conclude my recap of last night's Bellator.  For my jokes on Fight Master go to this page

Fight Master Promo

Ever watched a promo for The Ultimate Fighter and thought, "man, I wish this looked and felt a lot more like The Voice?"  Well then you're gonna love this trailer Spike TV has put up for their "definitely not Ultimate Fighter, but probably really similar no matter what we do" show, Fight Master. I would love to talk to the person who thought it'd be a great idea to have Randy Couture, Frank Shamrock, Greg Jackson, and Joe Warren all look like they're in a luxury suite of a TapouT casino(tm) and have fighters brought to prove themselves in front of them.  The only thing missing in this promo to complete the look is a bottle whiskey and cigars.

But hey, it's not exactly like The Ultimate Fighter, the choice is yours... Well, not yours.  But the fighters.  They choose their own coach (again, The Voice) and their opponent (you mean fighters weren't primarily picking who they wanted to fight on The Ultimate Fighter recently?  News to me).

I'll overlook the name for the time being (Fight Master... really?  That sounds like a B-action flick that even Brian Bosworth passed on).  The choose your own coach aspect has some potential ("So Randy Couture, what exactly can you offer me?"), but it also feels a little gimmicky.  We at VERBAL TAP are huge fans of fights, so I'll reserve judgement on just about anything else until we see the first set of prelims.

But if you want to meet the cast, check out the video below.  There's 32 of them.  One of them does a backflip.  That's about all I know so far.

There are also plenty of Twitter handles in the video so you can stalk them all.

So go forth and do good work now, internet!

Fight Master: Bellator MMA