Is Anderson Silva the Black Dana White?

Now we weren't joking when we said it's been a slow news week for all things MMA, but I can't tell if this video further exemplifies that idea or is legitimately interesting in its own right.

Anderson Silva must know that fans are so bored with the MMA news cycle they'll take any headline that helps get them through the drought of any legitimate news (he truly is a Jedi who sees through the MMA matrix).

Anyway, for whatever reason,  "The Spider" decided to give us something to talk about today. And that something is that he is completely fine with referring to himself as the "Black" Dana White (because apparently that's what the world needed).

Maybe Anderson Silva should start referring to himself as Dana Black (missed opportunity?)?

We know Silva is a fan of Spider-Man, maybe he can be the Venom to Dana White's Spider-Man?  And in this world, Venom is the good guy to...  you know what... yep, it's a slow news week, I've started trying to make this connect to comic books.

Ok, I'm done for now.  What do you think, gang?

UnimPRESSed RELEASE: Fox Sports Juan

UnimPRESSed RELEASE: A new COLUMN that sifts through MMA PRESS RELEASES so you don’t have to.  We hope you enjoy it:

Dana White wants you to save the date: Saturday, August 17^th.  On that day, he and seven-and-a-half consecutive hours of UFC action are coming your way to help launch the brand spanking new Fox Sports 1 Network.

Yep, you heard me right.

Not Fox Sports West.  Or Fox Sports Northeast.  Or Fox Sports Due East.  We’re talking the Fox Sports 1 Network, here, people (sorry former fans of the SPEED Network)!

So say good bye to Fuel TV and waking up after a mid-afternoon airings of “Iron Man 2” on FX to wait for some preliminary UFC action.  It also means we all better call our local cable provider and ask them where we can find this tragically named sports network (is the Spanish version of this new network Fox Sports Juan?).

Dana White, doing his part to help the FOX conglomerate beat the living crap out of the ABC/ESPN synergy machine, has promised that the Aug. 17^th fights will be “the strongest fight card the company has ever put on television.”  So take that Cain Velasquez, Junior Dos Santos, Rashad Evans, Nate Diaz, Benson Henderson, Alexander Gustafsson, BJ Penn, Jim Miller, Johny Hendricks, Josh Koscheck, Demetrious Johnson, and Rampage Jackson (just to name a few).

So far, only a match between Thiago Alves vs. Matt Brown has been announced for the fight night that will take place from the Boston T.D. Garden.  But that doesn’t mean Chael Sonnen isn’t doing his part to bring some star power to the proceedings.

And if we’ve learned one thing from Dana White, it’s that if the guy says it’s gonna be the biggest card ever presented on live TV… then he’s gonna throw moderate amounts of money at fighters to put on a set of fights that will definitely (maybe) last longer than a minute and four seconds!

Here’s the best part: The company is getting away from their habit of adding insignificant numbers to the end of their television event names (“Wait, was this UFC on FOX 5?  Or is it UFC 157, I’m confused!”).

There will be no Fox Sports 1:1.  Instead, pre cards will be called FOX UFC Saturday Prelims and FOX UFC Saturday (which still makes it sound like they’re appearing on the FOX Broadcast Network, but I’ll take the dropped numbers as a minor victory here).  There's also still the question of how they brand cards that don't take place on a Saturday, but hell even NBC tells you to watch Sunday Night Football on an occasional Thursday or Saturday night once and again, so I suppose we'll get there when we get there.

Now even if you’re annoyed with the thought of having to find a new network, you better get used to it.  That is, if you want any part of the Ronda Rousey/Cat Ziagano Ultimate Fighter series this fall (Wednesdays at 10pm).

But that’s not all!  The UFC is also kicking in a set of live fights to air in prime time on August 28^th and September 4^th, just to try and sweeten the deal.  The Sept. 4^th date is especially important as that card will lead into the 18th season premiere of The Ultimate Fighter.

AND, because you were all wondering what this move from FOX scripted Broadcast affiliates might mean for UFC Tonight, don’t fret.  Your favorite show (that you catch only via clips on YouTube) will now be expanded to an hour format (and will remain a weekly fixture). Which is great news for Kenny Florian's hair stylist and Chael Sonnen’s fireside chats!

I know that was a lot of information to sift through, but that’s why I’m here.  To read through all the press releases you don’t want to read in the first place.  And if you somehow fall out of love with the UFC by then, then don’t worry you can get excited about Regis Philbin’s new Fox Sports 1 chat show.

Yep.  This network knows how to pull out all the stops.

Until next time, fight fans.

For Argument's Sake: Chael Buys the WWE

We here at VERBAL TAP are proud to present the latest addition to our website: a column that by-passes the rumor, the fact-checking, and maybe even the research to ask, “But what if…”  Without further ado, we hope you’ll indulge a little segment we like to call For Argument’s Sake: Over the weekend Chael Sonnen reportedly told some dirt rag that he wasn’t interested in just being in the WWE, he’d rather buy the company outright.  Now we've all learned to take most things that Chael says with a grain of salt (i.e. "Hispanic accent"), but according to said dirt rag’s “very reliable sources,” he apparently isn’t joking this time.

Of course, anyone who knows a single thing about the WWE knows that the company is far from ever selling its half-billion empire to a mouthy UFC fighter with a few "investor friends" (also it's a publicly traded empire, but I'm getting ahead of myself here).  That doesn't even include the insane death grip that Vince McMahon and his family have on the business, which many speculate will eventually be run by his daughter Stephanie and her real life husband/occasional sledgehammer enthusiast HHH.

But, for argument's sake, let's just pretend this could happen.  Imagine the possibilities.  The overlap between Chael the UFC fighter/entertainer/promoter isn't all that different from the potential of Chael the WWE wrestler/entertainer/promoter.  He has a love/hate relationship with fans (that works perfectly here!).  We all know the man cut's a mean promo.  He's got a strong wrestling background that's proven helpful to guys like this.  And this.  And, hell, even this guy.

I mean even Chael's own book cover looks similar to Kurt Angle's.

But, even if you don't buy all of that, consider the following irrefutable argument:

If "The Bad Guy" can channel Shawn Michaels, it goes to say he is a natural for the Royal Rumble (thus becoming a #1 contender for one of the two World Championship titles, see how fast this is all coming together?).

Now that we've proven that Chael is a good fit for the organization, what if he got his full wish and actually got to run the company (shh, quiet logic, you have no place here)?  Don't worry, I've got you covered.

Before I begin, please keep in mind that some of these plans will be written in kayfabe (pro wrestling speak for “fake reality”), which may seem odd for Sonnen until you realize most of his UFC career has been spent “in character.”  With that, please consider the following multilayered plan:

1. Revive “Tough Enough” with Chael as a coach.  Love ‘em or hate ‘em, we’ve already seen the impact Sonnen can have as a mentor to young athletes.  He's good for ratings, he'll promote the hell out of the show, and since he's trained with the host of the last incarnation (Stone Cold Steve Austin) for his UFC fights, I'm sure he'll have the blessing of the bionic redneck.
2. Trash-talking your way into a championship match isn’t just welcomed, it’s required.  Lots of people think Chael talked his way into a fight for the Light Heavyweight title (he did!)—and, in this world, it’s exactly the kind of thing that's expected.  Only this time, the WWE Superstars now have the added benefit of going through a rigorous Chael Sonnen media preparation class, with lessons ranging from: playing up to the home crowd, utilizing new media to cut promos, and, of course, proxemics
3. Steroids are mandatory for all on the WWE roster (just to even the playing field, of course).  It’s really more of a health issue.
4. Chael also gets control of WWE’s film division.  It’s a well established fact the company's film division has been hurting for a hit.  Why not invest in a low-budget action adventure?  He's already friends with CM Punk; put the two of them together in a buddy cop comedy and let the moderate box office magic happen ("One of them's a straight edge, the other lives on the edge. West Linn Gangsters, Summer 2015!").  Besides, I hear that Chael's got great connections to secure filming locations.
5. Chael becomes new Mr. McMahon.  In it's Attitude hey day, the WWE, (I'm sorry) WWF created a fictionalized version of it's owner, Vince McMahon, that was designed to be so evil it could put over any other wrestler.  And he'd wrestle matches just to give fans the escapism of watching their boss get the crap kicked out of them.  It was a genius idea and one that helped to solidify the anti-hero status of Stone Cold Steve Austin—a model that has since been used to help elevate other wrestlers who have needed notoriety or exposure over the years.  Since the Attitude era, Vince has made fewer on-screen appearances to fill whatever storytelling void is needed, but has admitted himself that at his age he doesn't really need to get in the ring all that much anymore (even if he still does bat shit crazy stuff like this).  And even now with HHH filling in for the role of corporate guy who occasionally wrestles as an "in betweener," he doesn't have the same pathos to pull this kind of high-wire act off (the fans still identify too much with him after all these years).  What the WWE needs is someone it can turn against.  A symbol.  Someone who can be an extremely non-silent guardian.  A watchful protector, if you will.  But how does Chael become the new Dark Knight of the WWE...
6. Chael Sonnen vs. HHH at Wrestlmania 30: I know many of you will argue that current WWE roster guys like CM Punk or even former UFC champ Brock Lesnar would make for an ideal opponent, but hear me out here.  Sonnen comes out to say he wants to buy the company, HHH comes out to confront him says “the family will never do it,” Sonnen challenges him to a match at the 30^th anniversary of Wrestlemania for control of the company.  BOOM.  There you have it.  A new main event to headline Wrestlemania.  HHH loses via a run in from CM Punk, allowing Chael to hit his finisher (a spinning back fist) and Chael now “runs” the WWE.

Well, there you have it.  Problems solved, everyone makes money.  I'll be waiting by my mailbox for my royalty checks if anyone's looking for me.

In the meantime, let me know if I missed any magic in the possibilities of Chael Sonnen running the WWE (along with your argument as to which finisher would be a better fit for Sonnen) in the comment section below!

The Dana White Faces of Fuck

Welcome to Verbal Tap Cast

Hear ye, hear ye, everyone.  Quiet down for just a sec, your friends at VERBAL TAP have a quick announcement we'd like to make. At the risk of aliening those used to our normal goofball nature, we hope you'll allow us a moment to get serious on you guys.

What you see before your eyes today is the fruition of our creative efforts. After six months of tinkering with the podcast and accumulating a devoted set of listeners, Kev and I have decided it was time to up the ante.  Which is why we are proud to welcome you today to the official website for the VERBAL TAP podcast (VerbalTapCast.com).

That's right.  We are now more than just a Twitter page.  A lifeless Buzzsprout website.  Or a Facebook status letting you know how badly you need to listen to our latest installment.  We finally a space to call our own where you can comment, snicker, jeer, cheer, and yell at us.  And, to be quite honest, we couldn't be more excited about it.

With the new website, we now have a permanent online presence that allows us to continue conversations about a sport that we all know and love so much.  Which means: more jokes, more content, and maybe even an occasional video or two.  It’s really gonna depend on all of you and the community we create here.

It's a big day for us and the moment is not lost upon either one of us, as we've had dozens of people who have helped to bring us to this moment.

First and foremost, we’d like to thank all of the VERBAL TAP fans.  Many of you have brought such passion and enthusiasm to our podcast, it’s become infectious and has helped bring an energy to the show that we never knew could exist.

I mean, for damn sure, Kev and I never thought legitimate MMA fighters and personalities would get such a kick out of the show.  But we'd like to thank all of those who have appeared on the podcast or have sent well wishes for being such good sports about the roast-like nature of the show and getting exactly what it is we're trying to do.

Because at our core, the two of us are MMA enthusiasts who share many of the same highs and lows that come with being avid MMA fans.

We spend our hard earned cash month in and month out to go to bars and watch these PPVs.  We both have extremely patient significant others, family members, and friends we regularly put on hold to put this together or live comment during events.  We are not full-time journalists who use the podcast as an extension of their articles or make a living reporting on MMA (as it stands Kev and I balance several non-MMA related jobs with our other creative pursuits on the side).

We dedicate our free time and efforts to this podcast because we love the sport, we love the fans, and we've always felt the genre, frankly, lacks the type of voice that we provide.

Our philosophy has always been: if the kind of show that you wish doesn’t exist, you have go out there and make it.  There are thousands of podcasts out there.  Some good, others not so much.  We’ve put in our time and listened to other MMA and sports podcasts only to realize: there isn’t a single one that speaks the same unique language that we do.  It’s that can-do philosophy that has wonderfully guided our little show and helped us to build a growing audience.

We’re not gonna bore you with exhaustive recaps of every single punch or takedown, or regurgitate the same news stories and analysis that you can read from literally every other form of social media before your eyes.

We’re gonna make things lively.  We’re gonna make stupid jokes.  We’re occasionally going to be silly.  Most importantly, we're gonna make it our own.   Chances are, if you like us (and most people do), you'll probably like a great deal of the podcast—even if MMA isn't exactly your cup of tea.  And as long as you guys continue to be passionate about it and spread the word, then  we will continue striving to give you the best podcast in existence(tm).

We are keenly aware that there are tons of other things you can be doing, podcasts you can be listening to in your free time, but we will do our damnedest to make sure the podcast feels like a blast—as we are committed to doing this thing as long as it feels fun to all parties involved.

So why not make us a regular fixture on your website viewing habits, won’t you?

Ok, that'll do it for the serious stuff.  Back to the normal stuff:  Raf's awesome and Kevin's awful.  Thanks much, everyone, nothing else to see here, people.